I'm not a fan of this site or the majority of the users of it. Like Youtube, or any other site that allows a free stream of the public-at-large's creative output, its so hard to find anything decent on here that I can't be bothered wading through all the anthropomorphic animal sex and awful sci-fi fan art that I've given up tending to this little site. Amazing how having a Youtube account isn't nearly as embarrassing as having a deviantart account these days - yet youtube is no better, with its hordes of angry, angry people ranting about nothing in particular.

But still, I'm here. Posting mostly sad poetry right now. Returning to this site has made me realize how sad it is that I don't draw any more. I might return to it soon. I think its maybe something I lost a while ago, when a little bit of me died under the weight of my depression. Now I'm better, perhaps it can wriggle free - though I can't shake the little fear that going back to things like that might bring a little of the old me back with it. Like my sad poetry - I doubt its fooling anyone as to where its coming from. That little bit of me I can't let go, that I need to.

I don't think I will be letting it go, you know. At least, not like everything else. No, that particular page of my life I'm not going to throw on the fire; I'm not going to tear it up and toss it over my shoulder, never to re-read it, as I have so many of my grim moments. I'll take the notes, like I always do - march onward, remembering the lesson(s) I learned, but not the way I learned them - but this time, this page out of the chapter of the book of the journals of my life, I'll remove carefully. I'll tease it from the spine, fold it neatly, and I'll place it here, on the ground, in Dundee. I'm leaving, and I won't be moving back, because every time I come back, this little piece of me will be here. It has to be here, because I can't throw it away, I just can't.

I have one more trip before I start my new job, so I'll have to have moved almost everything by Monday.

I'm not sure I'll be logging back in after that, or starting a new page, maybe even on a new site.